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Cooperation At Its Finest
Did you know that urine, under normal circumstances, is sterile? Yes, it’s actually cleaner than tap water or your computer keyboard. I think this is important information for parents because an essential part of parenting is coming in contact with bodily fluids on a regular basis. Right? If it’s not vomit or spit up or poop in the bathtub, then it’s usually pee. Now poop is full of bacteria. And the human mouth is a dirty place. But urine, hey. While we all think it’s disgusting, truth be told, it’s far less dangerous than, say, a toddler licking your face.
Why do I feel compelled to inform you about the cleanliness of a toddler’s bladder contents? Well, it’s because last night I discovered the girls’ new trick. Yes, let me ask you, what is better than two small children who quietly entertain themselves in the living room while Mommy is upstairs showing the builders what needs to be repairing?
Can you guess?
Yes, that’s right. What’s even better is discovering that they have worked together to remove their pajamas and their diapers. And are now hiding in the kitchen giggling hysterically and yelling “Naked!”
And also realizing that my socks are soaking wet.
But I was very proud of the way they were playing so nicely together while I was busy.
Brave? Or Stupid? Episode #2483.
I’ve been quiet. Not because I don’t like you all. But because what I really want to do it go lie in a dark room for a week. Alone. With my eyes closed. I think I have earned it, actually. Just got back yesterday from 3 weeks with the girls in the US. Yes, once again, we must question the sanity of a woman who willingly locks herself into a steel tube with two toddlers for a period of around 7 hours.
In all seriousness, we had a wonderful time. Between the Grandma Rules (i.e. none) and the serious bonding with their cousins, Eva and Zoe had the time of their life. And to be truthful, I had a wonderful visit too. It’s been too long since we’ve had that much family time. But it wasn’t all recreation. No, Mommy here was busy adding to her list of “Things I didn’t know before I became a parent, 6 years of pediatric training notwithstanding.”
And I won’t be selfish. I’ll share my newfound knowledge with all of you:
Did you know that small children like juice? Yes, it’s like crack. Life is decidedly less pleasant for Eva and Zoe today now that they are back home in the land of milk and water. The look on Zoe’s face when she stole her cousin’s sippy cup was priceless.
I learned that a “sister weekend” in New York is a lot different when one of us is breastfeeding and all the children plus their Grandma want to come along.
Also, do you know what is more fun than getting on a plane with 3 adults and 4 children under the age of 3? No, not security, although that was pretty awesome. No, what’s actually unbelievably fun is getting on a plane with 4 small children, then getting off the plane while they fix a mechanical issue and finally reboarding an hour later. Good times!
And speaking of entertainment, you all know what I think of the AAP’s “absolutely no TV before the age of 2” rule. (Although technically one of them is now of age.) Eva and Zoe watch an episode of Sesame Street every morning. So far it appears that the greatest threat is that they might learn the alphabet. But just so you know, because now I do, should you be walking down the street in Times Square and see Elmo standing on a corner, he will expect a cash tip in exchange for three minutes with your toddlers who are weeping with joy and shaking with excitement. And here I thought Sesame Street was not for profit.
Finally, I would like to give a big shout out to Kid Car New York, a fantastic company that provides age and weight appropriate car seat-fitted vans for trips to and from the airport as well as around town. Complete with drivers who ensure the kiddos are buckled in appropriately and tolerate endless rounds of “Baa Baa Black Sheep.”
Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s lessons in parenting from one very tired Dr. Mommy. Soon we’ll get back to more important topics, like the fact that I got my flu shot while in the States. And the girls get theirs next week. But for now I must go lie down.
Grandparent Days
Greetings from San Francisco! I’m at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting and spent yesterday performing surgical airways on a pig trachea. I know, control yourself. Your jealousy is a tad embarrassing. Of course, this begs the question: where are Eva and Zoe while Mommy is stabbing at swine cartilage? Ah, well they are happily tucked away in Ohio. Under the watchful eye of their grandparents, aunt and uncle. Am I missing them terribly? Of course I am. No seriously. For real. I mean it. Take that back.
In all honesty, I do miss them terribly. Then again, it is sort of nice to stick “Mommy” in the hotel safe and be just “Dr. Zibners” for a couple of days. I would actually feel really guilty about having said that if it weren’t for one fact: the girls are having the time of their lives without me. I’ve seen the photos and we’ve chatted on the phone. Time of their little lives, I am telling you.
Why you ask? Wouldn’t they be having just as much fun if I was there with them, helping my parents with bathtime and covering the early morning shift? Well, the pat answer is, “no.” When Mommy is there, Grandma is looking over her shoulder, making sure I’m not watching before she slips them a binky in the middle of the day. Mommy’s sister would never think of offering them fried chicken parts for dinner if I were sitting in the room. And Grandpa, well, he’d probably just do as he pleases and tell me to shove it. That’s his style. But I’d like to think he’s a little more relaxed when I’m not around.
So there you have it. Dr. Zibners, aka Mommy, has rules. Grandma and Grandpa don’t. That’s the way it’s always worked and I’m okay with it. A little candy/juice/public pacificer usage isn’t going to ruin them when it’s only for a few days. And it is seriously just a few days. If we lived down the road, well that would be another matter. But this is vacation. And little children are surprisingly smart about who will let them get away with what. Now back to my meeting. Did you know they make simulation dolls that have seizures and you can even make their tongue swell? Yes, it’s true.
A Matter of Taste
I’ve been getting a lot of excitement on my site lately after some antivaccination groups discovered this post. And then when I wrote this post, I got some more activity. Some of it was really nice and well thought out. Other people basically hate me. Seems wanting children to avoid unnecessary illness and death makes me evil.
Oh well.
One thing I’ve learned in this life is you can’t please everybody. To put yourself out there and take a stand in the midst of controversy, you have to develop a bit of thick skin. It’s a lesson my sister could use. You see, apparently my 2 ½ year old niece has begun saying, “I don’t like you.” Well, to be precise she’s not just walking around the house saying it to anyone. She’s directing her animosity at one person: her mother.
And my sister is taking it personally. Never mind that the child is a toddler and functions solely at an “ego” level, unable to really feel empathy for others. And never mind that there is a new baby in the house and my sister has just gone back to work. And certainly never mind that Olivia has probably figured out that this little group of words gets her a lot of attention.
I think sometimes we have to remember that small children are just that: small children. When Olivia says, “I don’t like you,” she’s not saying, “Mom, I have given it a lot of thought and I feel our relationship is not one I cherish. You are nothing to me.”
No, actually what she is saying is something more akin to: “I don’t like eating chicken. I don’t like going to bed at 8. I don’t like getting not everything my way all the time. I don’t like that stupid new baby who has effectively dethroned me from my position of power. And I definitely don’t like it that my mom has gone back to work.”
And then she’s saying, “But gosh, I love it that my mom pays me so much attention when I say that. That’s great good fun!”
Of course, she could also be saying, “I wish I could hang out with Aunt Lara, she’s so much fun!”
What do you guys think? Doesn’t this happen to everyone? Shouldn’t I just expect to hear this from Eva and Zoe one day soon?
Guess I Touched A Nerve!
Okay, I admit I’m not the very best blogger out there. I would love to have more comments and discussions on my posts but hey, you all are busy folk. I am too. It’s okay. But I’ve gotten kind of used to the peacefulness that is my site and admit right here and now that I don’t check my inbox as often as I might. So imagine my absolute shock when I found some 30+ comments about an article I wrote over 3 months ago. Yes! So much activity that the platform stopped accepting comments! Can you believe it? What article did it? This one. My provaccine rant. And guess which group somehow found it and came pouring out of the woodwork to call me a nutter? Yep, the antivaccine community. Ooh, touchy, that group.
Now I truly can’t be bothered to respond to 99% of what was said because it was erroneous, hysterical and just plain odd. I would however like to address a couple points. The first is that my name is actually Lara Zibners. It would be lovely if you could spell it correctly while calling me a baby killer. I’d really appreciate it. Secondly, I am an ER pediatrician. Yes, I am actually a real doctor. But I don’t provide routine immunizations in my line of work. Therefore I can’t make money off them. And thirdly, I do find some of the conspiracy theories interesting but I will stand by my beliefs and state firmly and publicly that vaccines are not the government’s attempt to depopulate the world.
Oh and they don’t turn you into a newt either. (That comment made me giggle.)
Now I could get angry and sit here and write a whole post about the safety and efficacy of vaccines but I’ve already done that many, many times. My kids are fully immunized and I don’t actually know any pediatricians who don’t vaccinate their own children. This doesn’t mean they absolutely don’t exist, however, but I’ve tended to work in solid, respected, research and evidence-based environments so I’ve not actually come across one.
But instead of getting mad, I’m actually thrilled. Because in the midst of all the angry weirdness shone through a few voices in my defense, people thanking me for speaking out. It seems the antivaccine community got a little rope and went about hanging themselves, at least for a few readers. The one comment that made all this absolutely worth it for me was this one, by a expectant mom who had been undecided about vaccinating her new baby:
I’m going to be a mom soon and my friend posted this link on her wall. I’ve always thought she was unique in her craziness, but it looks like she has lots of friends with crazy in common.
Reading the comments from parents against vaccines posted here reveals a very angry bunch. All they have is name-calling and false claims. You all appear very delusional.
Sorry guys, I know you believe with all your heart that vaccines are EVIL, but you are clearly nuts. I think I’ll go with the doctors on this one. Thanks for opening my eyes to a realm of crazy that I thought was limited to just one wacky friend. I was considering exploring the other side, but now I know I don’t have to waste my time.
And there you have it. I am happy to have the name calling and the personal insults and the rude comments about my intelligence, education and professional worth hurled at me if even one baby’s life is saved. Oh and if I get to learn awesome new phrases like “batpoop crazy.” Hey, I didn’t say it. But it’s still awesome.
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