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Little People, Big Ears
I learned yesterday that my best friend from residency has breast cancer. This makes my current diatribe on the value of peas versus carrots seem silly, doesn’t it? She found out 2 days ago. She has two little girls, 4 1/2 years and almost 2. It’s early and we don’t know yet the exact staging and what needs to be done, but being doctors, it’s easy to over think the situation and assume the worst. So we had a good long chat on Saturday. Her biggest worry is obviously her children and what to tell them. It got me thinking and I gave her some advice (solicited, for once!) that I think I’ll share with you because it applies whether we are talking about cancer or about the neighbor’s new hair-do.
Kids are really observant and often more clever than we give them credit for. I think it is an insult to your 4 year-old to assume that she doesn’t know exactly what is happening around the house. If there is a new baby coming, she knows it. If Grandpa gets a hair transplant, she notices. If Mommy doesn’t eat lunch because she’s watching her weight, chances are her 3 year-old will pay close attention. Personally I believe that you should always assume your children are slightly more tuned in than you are and give them the respect that such close attention deserves. I hate it when people talk about their kids who are sitting in the same room as if they aren’t paying attention. They are.
So I told my friend to forget the “sit down serious talk.” Either her daughter will be freaked out beyond reason or she won’t even understand what the big deal is. The only thing that will accomplish is making everyone stressed and upset. Instead, I suggested that they let her ask questions as she needs and just make this part of their everyday conversation. Don’t hide it, but you certainly don’t have to give her more information than she is ready for. She’ll ask, no worries. Whatever the situation, your kids will take their cues from you when it comes how to act and what to think. So Mommy’s boob got sick and has to get taken off. Big whoop. Mommy will get a better set later. (And oh, yeah, that’s the silver lining!) Whether it is good news or bad, be honest with your kids and give them information that is developmentally appropriate. Of course I also recommended that she call the pediatric oncology department and get the name of their team psychologist so she can have a therapist at the ready. But I think (and I pray) that the whole family is going to be just fine and this will someday just be a “something we once went through.” And having gotten that off my chest, I know you can’t wait to find out what Eva thought of carrots! Life does go on, no matter what we have to deal with.
Peel, chop, steam, puree, spit
Okay, so now that I’ve heard from a few of you about the joys of making your own baby food, I’m going to dig my heels in and say that yes, I know it’s easy, but still, I really wanted to use stuff right from the store. Just to show you that it’s perfectly fine. But cottage pie never was, nor never will be, an appropriate starter food. At least not to a kid with an American passport. So today I spent a few hours cleaning my new baby food maker. Then I did a bunch of peas and a sweet potato and carefully spooned little individual portions into freezer trays, all except the one tiny scoop I kept out for Eva’s afternoon snack. Then I woke my sweet baby girl, smoothed her little cheeks, lovingly placed her bib around her neck and gently offered her a tiny bite of what must be sweet, green heaven. She hated it.
Okay, so I know and I know you know (because I’ve told you) that little kids might need as many as 15 tries at a new food before they will willingly put it in their mouth and actually swallow it. Just because she hates it the first day doesn’t mean that she’ll hate it the second time. I really believe that the dinner table should not be a battleground nor should Mommy be a short-order cook. Therefore, my plan has been (and remains to be) to offer a variety of foods without comment and let my kids eat what they want without making a big fuss about it. Not to point where they only consume ice cream, mind you. But not to care if one week they only eat purple food. They’re kids. They have no power in life. Big people tell them when to get up, what to wear, where to go and when to sleep. If you were 2 and the only place you had any say was at the table, then you’d probably assert a little independence too.
But it still pained me a little when Eva showed such obvious and flagrant disdain for my little bowl of peas. Doesn’t she know that I am just trying to protect her and love her? I’m swallowing the hurt and we’ll try it again tomorrow. And the day after. She’s loving rice cereal, so at least I know it’s a taste issue and not all solids. If after 3 days, she still hates it, we’re on to carrots. And the peas will find their way into a nice minty broad bean puree on toast with a little goat cheese. Because at least one of us has taste.
Basil Baby Food?!?
I could dedicate 6 weeks to the topic of how and what to feed your kid. I will say right now that for the most part, I have stuck to my guns and done with my kids exactly what I’ve been advising others to do for years. Even to the point of making breast milk without being pregnant. (Moderately insane) I’ve been a real stickler about not starting solids until 6 months because that is truly what is beaten into our heads as American pediatricians. To do otherwise is utter sacrilege. Of course, you know I’m not completely rigid so I’ve always said that 6 months to the day is not the point. If it’s a week or 2 on either side, that’s okay. (My next note is going to be about why I’m going to be a sinner with Zoe and start earlier…not the reasons you think, so stay tuned!) The most important thing is that you recognize that baby food and cereal are not the mainstays of a baby’s nutrition and that the point of feeding them is not to get vitamin C into them, but rather teach them how to take something that looks and feels and tastes funny into their mouths, roll it around and swallow it down.
Forget whether the first food is yellow or green. I could care less. But one thing we do in America is recommend that new foods are not introduced all at once but rather slowly, adding something different every few days to make sure the baby tolerates it and doesn’t have an allergic reaction. So when you buy baby food in the US, you buy “carrots” and the ingredients are “carrots.” Mixed veggies and turkey dinner are for later stages of feeding, once you’ve made sure your kid can handle most of what you’ve sent her way.
So imagine my shock and horror when I went to the grocery yesterday to buy Eva some new foods since she started cereal last week and seems to really dig it. There was not ONE single baby food that contained one item. It was all combos, from apple-pomegranate-raspberry to creamed fish pie! Creamed fish pie?!? I didn’t know what to do. So I bought the least offensive combinations: squash and sweetcorn and spinach, parsnip and basil. BASIL?!? Really?!? Who puts basil in baby food?! What baby needs basil? My daughter’s first food is going to be basil? I can’t do it. I brought it home and stared at the package for a while and then I went to my computer and ordered a baby food maker. I swore I would never do it. Jarred baby food is good enough for my kids. (as are tap water and binkies that fell on the floor) But basil? Honestly. So here I am, facing at least a couple weeks of slicing, steaming, pureeing and freezing because I have to cling to some remnants of my training. I’ll probably even go so far as to cook up a big batch of basil and see what happens.
Q. Can I stick Motrin in my kid’s bottle?
Dr. Zibners' Answer:
This is a good one that showed up this week. One fine mom out there wants to know if it is okay to mix the baby’s dose of pain and fever reducer into the milk. I don’t know why a baby would turn up its nose at yummy orange syrup, but apparently this kid isn’t into it. What I will say is that it is still going to work but the baby has to finish the whole bottle or else he won’t get the whole dose. If you are absolutely sure he will, then fine. But I can’t ever guarantee that my kids are going to drink every drop and if he leaves any behind, you won’t know how much he got. So instead, if he’s picky, try putting a little milk in the nipple, then squirting in the medicine when he’s drinking, the quickly pouring a little milk topper in. Once it’s gone, he can finish the rest of his bottle.
Jet Set Babies Wear Wings
My sister found these great Urban Babies books and my children are definitely the Jet Set Babies. Eva is a great flier and Zoe hasn’t been up as often but demonstrated a great affinity for the air on her first flight. However, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have a slight degree of angst about yesterday’s endeavor: we brought the babies home to London from New York. It actually went shockingly smoothly. At least according to my husband. The man who took a 4 hour nap on the flight. But no matter how great they did, yesterday was like every day as a parent: I learned a thing or two.
Firstly, did you know that there is a limit to how many babies can be on an airplane? That’s for safety reasons but the gate manager at Virgin Atlantic told us that last weekend they had 16 (really?!?) babies on the flight and the limit is 12 so 4 families were told they couldn’t fly. I can’t imagine packing up and hauling everyone to the airport only to find out I can’t go because it’s a baby convention. So make sure you let the airline know when you book that you’re bringing a little one, even if she is going to sit on your lap the whole flight.
Secondly, we had arranged special bassinets for the flight. Even if we’d wanted to get the girls their own seats, we wouldn’t be able to use our car seats because this airline is not regulated by the FAA since it is a British carrier. So based on the size and weight of my munchkins, they were booked for bassinets rather than the airline’s child seats. Of course when we checked in we were told that there are no bassinets on the plane. Since months ago. Thanks booking agent. Once again, call your airline before flying and find out exactly what they have and what you can use as far as supplemental restraints.
Thirdly, I learned that people can be really nice to families with babies. The folks at Virgin blocked off some extra seats around us because the plane was quite empty. Then they put their child seat on one for Eva. Zoe was too little but she got a special infant belt on my lap. We had an extra place to lay them out when we needed to stretch and there was no one around to offend when it was diaper time so I didn’t have to cram myself into the airplane potty with a squirming child. It might be worth trying to travel at a time less frequented if you are going somewhere with a tot is what I learned.
And of course, let me mention that I did not medicate either kid because they are too little. Sometimes toddlers will get a dose of antihistamine from a well-intentioned parent before a flight in the hopes they’ll get knocked out but there are kids who have the opposite reaction and go nuts so think about whether you want to be locked in a steel tube with a crazy monkey before you do that. I tried to get both babies to eat on the way up and the way down to pop their ears. And I carried a stash of wipes to clean off the germs left behind by grabby flight attendants and cooing strangers. So now I’m home, trying to teach Eva that she has a new internal clock. Let’s see how that goes…
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"WHAT I LIKED: This book is written in a funny, down to earth way that doesn't make you feel like an idiot. I really would have appreciated something like this when my kids were really little and I freaked out over everything they put in their mouths. It has a scenario/question and answer format, with clear answers on when not to panic and when to call 911."
- Chic Book Chick
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